When Every Choice Feels Too Much: Decision Making and Executive Functioning
Decision making is another executive functioning skill that we use all day, every day.
We are constantly making decisions.
Some decisions are small:
What shall I wear?
What shall I eat?
Should I reply to that message now or later?
Do I have enough time to make a drink before I leave?
Should I take the bus or walk?
Some decisions are bigger:
What school should my child go to?
Should I apply for that job?
Should I say yes to this opportunity?
Should I spend this money now or save it?
Should I speak up or stay quiet?
But whether the decision is big or small, the brain still has to work through it.
And for some children, young people and adults with ADHD, autism or executive functioning difficulties, decision making can feel overwhelming.
Decision Making Is Not Just Choosing
Decision making sounds like simply picking one thing.
But it is not that simple.
To make a decision, the brain has to:
notice there is a choice to make
hold the information in mind
think about the options
compare what might happen
manage the emotion that comes with the choice
stop and think before acting
choose one option
cope with the result
So decision making uses lots of executive functioning skills at the same time.
You need:
working memory to hold the options in your mind
flexible thinking to look at different possibilities
inhibitory control to stop yourself jumping at the first option
emotional regulation to manage worry, frustration or excitement
problem solving to work out what might happen next
planning to think about the outcome
That is a lot of brain work.
Why Decisions Can Feel Overwhelming
Some people find decisions hard because there are too many options.
The more options there are, the harder it can be to choose.
This is why a child may struggle when you say:
What do you want for lunch?
What do you want to wear?
What film shall we watch?
What do you want to do today?
To us, these might seem like simple questions.
But to the child, their brain may suddenly have too much to process.
They have to think about:
all the options
what they feel like
what they want
what might happen
whether they will regret the choice
So they may freeze, get upset, say “I don’t know”, or avoid making the decision altogether.
The Emotion Comes Into It
Decision making is not just logical.
Emotion is involved too.
A child may struggle to decide because:
they are worried about getting it wrong
they have made mistakes before and been told off
they are already overwhelmed
the choice feels too big
they are excited and jump into the decision too quickly
they cannot stop and think in the moment
This is why decision making is linked to emotional regulation and inhibitory control.
A child might choose too quickly because they cannot stop and think.
Or they might not choose at all because the decision feels too big.
Both can come from executive functioning difficulties.
What Decision Making Difficulties Can Look Like
A child or young person may:
say “I don’t know” a lot
take a long time to choose
get upset when given too many options
avoid making decisions
ask someone else to decide for them
choose impulsively
regret their choice afterwards
change their mind repeatedly
become angry when pressured to choose
panic over small choices
struggle to think about consequences
pick what feels good now, even if it causes problems later
This can be misunderstood.
People may say they are being awkward, attention-seeking, immature or difficult.
But really, their brain may be struggling to process the choice.
Everyday Examples
A child may stand in front of their clothes and not know what to wear.
It is not just about picking a top.
They have to think:
Is it clean?
Is it comfortable?
Is it right for the weather?
Will people say anything?
Does it feel okay on my skin?
Do I need PE kit today?
Will I be too hot or too cold?
That one decision suddenly becomes a lot.
Another example is choosing food.
A child may say they are hungry, but when you ask what they want, they cannot decide.
Then the adult gets frustrated and says, “Just pick something.”
But their brain may be stuck trying to sort through the options.
You might also see it with schoolwork.
A child is told, “Choose a topic to write about.”
That sounds like freedom.
But for a child with decision making difficulties, that can feel impossible.
They may do better when there are fewer choices, because there is less information for the brain to process.
Impulsive Decisions
Decision making can also go the other way.
Some children do not freeze.
They decide too quickly.
They might:
grab the toy
say yes without thinking
spend the money
run off with a friend
send the message
shout the answer
choose the thing that feels good in the moment
That is where inhibitory control comes in.
The brain needs a pause.
It needs that moment to think:
Is this a good idea?
What might happen next?
Will I regret this?
Is there another option?
Without that pause, the decision can be based on the here and now.
This is common in ADHD, where the pull of the immediate reward can be very strong.
Decision Making and Future Thinking
Decision making also links to future thinking.
To make a good decision, you often need to think about what might happen later.
But if a child struggles with future thinking, they may focus on what feels good now.
They may:
spend their money now, even though they were saving for something
avoid homework now, even though it will cause stress later
say something in the moment, even though it will cause trouble afterwards
choose the quick reward instead of the long-term goal
struggle to connect today’s choice with tomorrow’s consequence
This is not because they do not care about the future.
It may be because their brain struggles to feel the future strongly enough in the moment.
Decision Making Is a Skill
And like all executive functioning skills, it is something we use constantly without even realising.
When we understand decision making as a skill, we can start to recognise why some children struggle so much with choices.
It is not always that they are being awkward.
It is not always that they are trying to delay things.
It is not always that they are refusing.
Sometimes:
their brain is overloaded by the choice
the emotion is too big
they cannot think through the options
they jump at the first thing because the pause is not there
the future consequence does not feel real enough in that moment
So when a child struggles to decide, we need to see the skill underneath.
Because decision making is not just about choosing.
It is working memory, flexible thinking, inhibitory control, emotional regulation, problem solving, planning and future thinking all working together.
That is a lot for one brain to do.
