Addiction and the Search for “Normal”

Why this can look different if you are autistic or ADHD

Dopamine is about regulation, not just pleasure

If you are autistic or ADHD, your brain often works harder to regulate attention, motivation, emotions, and stress. Dopamine plays a big role in that regulation. The issue isn’t simply “low dopamine” all the time — it’s often inconsistent or inefficient dopamine signalling, which can make everyday life feel either under-stimulating, overwhelming, or both. This is why things like boredom can feel physically uncomfortable, and why it can be harder to get started, stay focused, or feel rewarded by ordinary tasks.

Why addiction often begins with relief

A lot of people think addiction starts because someone wants a high. In reality, it often starts because something provides relief. If you are autistic or ADHD and you find something that makes you feel calmer, more focused, less anxious, or more “normal”, your brain takes notice. At first it can look like a coping strategy, because it is. The pattern becomes risky when that one thing becomes the main way you regulate yourself.

Running from a low, not chasing a high

Over time, the brain can build tolerance and need more of the same behaviour to get the same effect. This is where addiction can shift from “this helps me feel good” to “I feel awful without it.” When someone is running from a low rather than chasing a high, it can look like they’ve lost control, but what’s really happening is that their system has become dependent on that one source of regulation.

Why addiction can “shift” instead of disappearing

You may see people stop one addiction and then develop another. From the outside, this is often labelled as an “addictive personality.” But if the underlying need for regulation isn’t addressed, the brain will keep searching for something that works. Someone might stop drinking but start gambling, stop substances but start compulsive scrolling, or stop gaming but become compulsive about food or work. The outlet changes, but the role it plays in the nervous system can stay the same.

Gaming and the dopamine conversation

When a child can play video games for long periods, it doesn’t automatically mean they will become addicted. But it can be a sign that gaming is providing something their nervous system struggles to access elsewhere — focus, reward, calm, confidence, predictability, or escape from constant demand. Many children aren’t drawn to games simply because the game is fun. They’re drawn to how they feel while playing: more regulated, more capable, more settled.

When the “dopamine hit” is a person

Sometimes the most powerful regulation source isn’t a substance or a screen — it’s a person. If one person makes you feel understood, calm, motivated, or safe, your brain can latch onto that relationship in the same way it latches onto other dopamine-supporting behaviours. This can look like obsession from the outside, but inside it often feels like, “I can cope when you’re here, and I fall apart when you’re not.” The mechanism is similar: the nervous system has learned that this is a reliable route to regulation.

The takeaway for families and professionals

If you are autistic or ADHD, you are not “destined” to develop an addiction. But there can be a higher vulnerability to addictive patterns because the brain is often searching for stable regulation. The most helpful shift in understanding is moving away from “why can’t they just stop?” and towards “what need is this meeting?” When you understand the role the behaviour plays, you can respond with far more compassion — and far more effectiveness.