What Parents Need to Know: A Diagnosis Is Only the Starting Point

One of the biggest misconceptions I see as a parent supporter is the belief that once a child receives a diagnosis, everything will suddenly make sense.

Parents often spend years fighting for an autism or ADHD assessment. They are told they need a diagnosis to access support, and understandably they hope that when the diagnosis finally arrives, it will explain everything.

But in reality, a diagnosis is often just the beginning.

A diagnosis can explain why some difficulties exist, but it does not tell us exactly what support our child needs.

Two children can both have ADHD and be completely different.

Two autistic children can have very different strengths and challenges.

One child may struggle with emotional regulation, while another struggles with working memory. One may find organisation difficult, while another struggles with flexible thinking and coping with change.

This is why understanding the diagnosis alone is not enough.

Looking Beyond the Label

As parents, we need to start asking different questions.

Instead of only asking:

• "What diagnosis does my child have?"

we also need to ask:

• "What skills are difficult for my child?"

When we understand the skills underneath the behaviour, things start to make much more sense.

For example, many children are described as:

• Lazy

• Unmotivated

• Defiant

• Not listening

• Not trying

• Disorganised

But when we look more closely, we often find skill difficulties underneath those behaviours.

Is It Really Behaviour?

A child who forgets instructions may not be refusing to listen.

They may have weak working memory.

A child who never starts homework may not be lazy.

They may struggle with task initiation and not know where to begin.

A child who becomes upset when plans change may not be overreacting.

They may struggle with flexible thinking.

A child who loses everything may not be careless.

They may have difficulties with organisation.

A child who knows the answer but cannot get it onto paper may not lack understanding.

They may struggle with organising their thoughts, language processing or written expression.

When we understand the skill difficulty, we stop seeing the child as the problem.

Instead, we start understanding the barrier.

Executive Functioning Skills Matter

Executive functioning skills are the skills we use every day to get through life.

These include:

• Working memory

• Planning

• Organisation

• Flexible thinking

• Emotional regulation

• Task initiation

• Inhibitory control

• Self-monitoring

These skills affect almost everything our children do.

• They affect learning.

• They affect friendships.

• They affect behaviour.

• They affect independence.

When these skills are weak, life becomes harder.

The important thing for parents to understand is that these are skills, not character flaws.

Just as we would support a child who struggles with reading, we should support a child who struggles with working memory, planning or emotional regulation.

Understanding the Child Behind the Diagnosis

Over the years I have worked with many families who were given a diagnosis but very little understanding of what it actually meant for daily life.

Parents are often left asking:

• "Why can they do it one day but not the next?"

• "Why do they understand it when I explain it, but not at school?"

• "Why do they know the answer but cannot write it down?"

• "Why do they keep making the same mistakes?"

These questions are often answered when we look at the skills underneath.

The diagnosis tells us part of the story.

The skill profile tells us where support is needed.

The Question We Should Be Asking

As parents, perhaps the most important question is not:

"What diagnosis does my child have?"

but:

"What is difficult for my child, and why?"

When we understand the answer to that question, we can begin to provide the right support, reduce frustration, build confidence and help our children develop the skills they need to thrive.

Because our children are more than a diagnosis.

They are individuals with unique strengths, unique challenges and enormous potential.

And understanding the skills underneath the behaviour is often where real support begins.