Stop Moving the Goalposts: Why PDA Isn’t an Excuse for Poor Behaviour
Over the past few years, the term Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA, has gained huge attention on social media. It’s often used to describe any child or adult who refuses to comply, has meltdowns, or struggles with authority. But the truth is, PDA has become so overused that its meaning is starting to blur.
This shift isn’t helping anyone, least of all those who genuinely experience PDA.
What PDA Really Is
PDA isn’t about being defiant or oppositional for the sake of it. It’s a profile of autism, where the person experiences extreme anxiety when their sense of autonomy is threatened. The behaviour we see —refusal, avoidance, or even aggression —isn’t driven by attitude or control; it’s a deep emotional response to feeling powerless.
When a person with PDA senses a demand, whether it’s being told to get dressed, go to school, or even something positive like being asked to play, their nervous system goes into survival mode. They’re not choosing to misbehave; they’re trying to regain a sense of safety and control.
The Problem With the Way Society Uses PDA
In recent years, PDA has become a “buzzword.” It’s used to explain every type of non-compliant or challenging behaviour, even when the behaviour doesn’t stem from anxiety or loss of autonomy.
This casual use of the term has serious consequences:
It shifts responsibility – Instead of helping a child or young person learn coping skills or emotional regulation, we risk labelling them in a way that excuses poor behaviour.
It invalidates those with genuine PDA – People who truly experience this profile face intense internal anxiety. Their challenges are complex and require sensitive, consistent approaches — not dismissal under a watered-down label.
It confuses professionals and parents. Teachers, clinicians, and families are left unsure of what PDA actually means, which makes appropriate support harder to provide.
PDA Is About Why, Not What
A child with PDA resists demands because their brain perceives them as a threat to independence. That’s very different from a child who resists because they don’t like being told “no” or because they’re testing limits.
If autonomy isn’t being removed, it’s unlikely to be PDA. It could be frustration, tiredness, trauma, ADHD-related impulsivity, or simply poor boundaries, but that’s not the same thing.
Why Language Matters
When we move the goalposts and use PDA as a blanket term, we risk turning every act of defiance into a diagnosis. That doesn’t empower neurodivergent people — it undermines them. Understanding behaviour means asking what emotion sits underneath it, not rushing to label it.
PDA should never be an excuse for rudeness or aggression. It should be a framework for compassion and understanding, used carefully and meaningfully.
Let’s Bring the Focus Back
It’s time to stop diluting terms that were created to help us understand complex neurodivergent experiences. PDA is not about being difficult. It’s about anxiety, safety, and autonomy.
When we remember that, we protect the integrity of the term — and we make sure that those who truly live with PDA get the understanding and support they deserve.
