Intrusive Thoughts: What They Are, Why They Happen, and When to Seek Support
Intrusive thoughts are incredibly common, yet most people feel too ashamed to talk about them. These thoughts can be strange, upsetting, violent, sexual, or completely out of character, and the truth is: Intrusive thoughts are normal.
They do not reflect who you are.
What are intrusive thoughts?
They are unwanted thoughts, images, or ideas that suddenly pop into your mind. Examples include:
sudden, violent, or disturbing images
thoughts about saying or doing something inappropriate
sexual thoughts you don’t want
blasphemous or taboo thoughts
And one that almost nobody admits to, yet millions experience:
Intrusive thoughts about a loved one dying.
This can be a flash of something terrible happening to your child, partner, parent, or friend. It happens because you care deeply, not because something is wrong with you. These thoughts feel intense because they target what matters most.
So if intrusive thoughts are normal, when is it a concern?
Intrusive thoughts become a problem when they:
happen frequently
cause significant distress
get in the way of your day
lead to compulsive behaviours (checking, reassurance-seeking, avoiding, mental rituals)
This is when intrusive thoughts can move into OCD territory.
OCD isn’t about the thought itself; it’s about how much fear it creates and whether you start performing actions to “neutralise” it.
Intrusive thoughts ≠ OCD
Having intrusive thoughts does not mean you have OCD. OCD develops when:
the thoughts become obsessions
you fear what the thought “means”
you try to control or cancel out the thought
daily life becomes affected
The thought is not the issue; the cycle around the thought is.
Why do these thoughts feel so real?
Human brains are wired to scan for danger.
The more you care about someone, the more vivid the “what if something happened?” thoughts can be.
It’s a fear response, not intuition, not a prediction, and not a reflection of your personality.
When to reach out
Support can help if your intrusive thoughts are:
constant
exhausting
affecting sleep
impacting relationships
linked with shame or fear accompanied by checking, avoidance, or reassurance-seeking
Therapies like CBT/ERP can reduce the fear and break the cycle.
Final message
Intrusive thoughts are part of being human.
Thoughts about loved ones dying, thoughts that shock you, thoughts you don’t want, these do not define you.
They only become a concern when they are frequent, distressing, and start shaping your behaviour.
Talking openly is the first step to removing the shame.
You are not your thoughts, and you deserve to feel safe and understood.
