Time Doesn’t Move the Same For Us: Autism, ADHD and Picking Up Where We Left Off

Have you ever bumped into someone you haven’t seen in years and without hesitation, slipped right back into how things were? For many autistic and ADHD people, that’s not just a rare moment, it’s a pattern. It’s how we experience relationships and time. 

We often hold onto people in our minds exactly as they were the last time we saw them. There’s no drift, no slow emotional fade. The connection stays frozen in place, waiting to be picked up. To us, it feels natural. It feels right. We step in exactly where we left off, with the same energy, the same jokes, the same closeness. 

For example, you might run into an old school friend at the shops. While they’ve changed jobs, moved house and made new friends, your brain brings back the exact way it felt when you used to sit next to them at lunch. You’re excited to see them. You ask how they’ve been, maybe even suggest catching up like it’s something you’ve both been looking forward to. But they hesitate. They’re polite but distant. It hits you, they haven’t thought about you in years. 

Or maybe you reconnect with a family member after a long time. You still feel the bond you always had, like nothing’s changed. But they’ve had major life events, new routines, and different priorities. You still feel close, but they feel far away. You don’t understand why they’re acting differently, and they don’t understand why you’re acting like it’s all still the same. 

This isn’t about rejection sensitivity or overthinking. It’s about the way our brains store and revisit relationships. We don’t always move forward in the same way. Emotional memory stays vivid. Unfinished conversations still feel open. People we haven’t seen in years still feel important. 

But when we try to reconnect like no time has passed, and realise it has for them, it can feel like a sudden drop. We wonder, was I the only one who cared? Was the connection only real for me? 

This is one of those quiet, often unspoken parts of being neurodivergent. The way we love, remember and reconnect doesn’t always match the social expectations around us. And it can leave us feeling exposed. 

If you’ve ever felt like time stands still between relationships, or like others outgrow the bond while you’re still holding onto it, that’s valid. And if someone hasn’t thought about you the way you’ve thought about them, that doesn’t make your connection less real. It just means your mind holds people differently. 

It’s something we rarely talk about, but maybe we should, because it hurts when time finally catches up.