When Parents Are Neurodivergent Too: The Overlooked Link to Children in Care
When a child enters care, the focus is almost always on the child.
Their behaviour. Their needs. Their risk.
But there is something we are still not talking about enough.
Many of these children come from families where the parent is also neurodivergent—often undiagnosed.
And if we don’t recognise that, we miss the full picture.
This Didn’t Start With the Child
In a lot of families, what we are seeing isn’t just one individual struggling.
It’s a pattern.
A parent who has always found life harder than others:
Struggles with organisation
Finds routines difficult to maintain
Becomes overwhelmed easily
Finds it hard to regulate emotions under pressure
May avoid professionals due to anxiety or past experiences
These are not signs of someone who doesn’t care.
They are often signs of ADHD, autism, or both—unrecognised and unsupported.
Now add parenting into that.
Parenting Without the Right Support
Parenting requires constant use of executive functioning skills:
Planning meals, appointments, school routines
Managing emotions under stress
Keeping on top of paperwork and services
Responding consistently to a child’s needs
If a parent struggles with these skills themselves, they are already at a disadvantage.
Not because they don’t want to do it. But because they haven’t been supported to develop those skills.
Then we introduce a child who may also be neurodivergent.
Now we have:
A parent struggling with regulation… Supporting a child struggling with regulation…
In a system that often expects both to just “cope.”
How the System Misreads It
What professionals often see is:
Missed appointments
Inconsistent routines
Emotional responses under stress
Difficulty engaging with services
And this can quickly be interpreted as:
Lack of engagement
Lack of care
Non-compliance
But what if that’s not what it is?
What if it’s:
Executive functioning difficulties
Sensory overwhelm
Anxiety linked to past negative experiences
Difficulty processing information
We are often measuring parents against expectations they may not have the skills to meet—without ever identifying why.
The Escalation to Care
Without the right understanding, things escalate.
Support plans are put in place—but not adapted. Expectations increase—but skills don’t. Stress builds—for both parent and child.
Eventually, the situation reaches crisis.
And the child enters care.
But in many cases, this wasn’t inevitable.
It was preventable.
We’re Supporting the Child… But Missing the Parent
There is a strong push now to understand children’s neurodivergence—and that’s important.
But we cannot stop there.
If the parent is also neurodivergent and unsupported:
Strategies won’t carry over into the home
Routines won’t be sustainable
Communication will continue to break down
We end up supporting the child in isolation, in an environment that is still struggling.
To create real change, we have to support the whole system around the child.
That means the parent too.
What Needs to Change
We need a shift in how we approach families.
Not more pressure.
Not more judgement.
But better understanding.
This includes:
Recognising signs of neurodivergence in parents
Adapting communication (clear, simple, not overwhelming)
Offering practical, step-by-step support—not just advice
Allowing flexibility around appointments and engagement
Supporting executive functioning skills in parents, not just children
Because when a parent is supported properly, everything changes for the child.
This Is About Understanding, Not Blame
This isn’t about excusing neglect or risk.
It’s about recognising when a parent is struggling due to unmet needs—not lack of care.
Because many of these parents:
Love their children deeply
Want to do the right thing
Feel overwhelmed and judged
Have never had their own needs understood
When we change how we see that, we change how we respond.
Final Thought
If we are serious about reducing the number of children entering care, we have to start earlier.
And we have to look wider.
Not just at the child.
But at the parent standing in front of us—trying to cope, often without the skills or support they’ve needed all their lives.
Because sometimes, the difference between a child staying at home or entering care…
Is whether someone recognised the parent needed support too.
