The Space Between Thought and Reaction: Understanding Inhibitory Control
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Popularised by Stephen R. Covey in First Things First (1994). Original author unknown.
This quote connects closely to something I regularly explain in my work supporting neurodivergent children, adults and families: the importance of executive functioning skills, particularly inhibitory control.
But what happens when that space between something happening and our response is incredibly small, or sometimes doesn't seem to exist at all?
What happens when the brain reacts before there has been an opportunity to process what is happening?
This is where understanding inhibitory control becomes so important.
What is inhibitory control?
Inhibitory control is one of our three core executive functioning skills, alongside working memory and cognitive flexibility.
It helps us pause, resist an immediate impulse, think before speaking or acting, and consider what might happen next.
For example, when someone says something upsetting, inhibitory control can help us stop before responding angrily.
When a child becomes frustrated because something isn't going their way, inhibitory control can help them resist the immediate urge to shout, throw something or walk away.
But here's what we need to understand.
Not everyone has the same ability to pause before reacting.
For those who are neurodivergent, difficulties with inhibitory control can mean that a reaction happens before there has been an opportunity to think it through.
This isn't necessarily a conscious decision. It can reflect difficulties accessing the executive functioning skills needed in that moment.
What does this look like in everyday life?
A child might:
Shout out before thinking.
Interrupt conversations without intending to be rude.
React immediately when something feels unfair.
Struggle to stop an activity they are enjoying.
Become overwhelmed when something unexpected happens.
Say or do something impulsively and regret it afterwards.
Adults can experience these difficulties too.
We sometimes interpret these reactions as deliberate behaviour, defiance, rudeness or a lack of respect.
But what if the individual genuinely struggles with the executive functioning skill needed to stop, process what is happening and respond differently?
We cannot assume someone is choosing not to use a skill they are struggling to access.
This is why understanding what is happening underneath the behaviour is so important.
The connection between inhibitory control and emotional regulation
Inhibitory control plays an important role in emotional regulation.
When we experience frustration, anxiety, excitement or anger, our brain needs to process what is happening and manage our response.
But executive functioning skills do not work in isolation.
Sensory processing difficulties, anxiety, tiredness, demands on working memory and emotional overload can all affect our ability to pause.
Imagine a child sitting in a noisy classroom.
They are trying to listen to instructions, remember what they have been asked to do, manage the surrounding noise and concentrate on their work.
Their brain is already managing several demands.
Another child makes a comment that frustrates them.
They react immediately, perhaps by shouting or pushing their work away.
What do we see?
We see the reaction.
But what might we be missing?
The child may already have been overwhelmed before that final incident occurred.
Their ability to pause, process and respond may have been affected by everything their brain was already trying to manage.
By the time we see the behaviour, the child may already be struggling.
And yet our response is often to tell the child to calm down, stop behaving that way or think before acting.
But have we considered whether they could access those skills at that moment?
Telling a child to stop and think is not the same as teaching them how
We often expect children to demonstrate skills they may not yet have developed sufficiently.
We tell them to wait, be patient, think before speaking, control their emotions or make better choices.
But these actions all involve underlying skills.
For a neurodivergent child experiencing executive functioning difficulties, simply telling them what they should have done does not teach them how to do it.
We need to look at how those skills develop and how we can support and strengthen them.
Can inhibitory control be strengthened?
Yes. Inhibitory control develops throughout childhood and into adulthood, and it can be supported through appropriate activities, practice and changes to the environment.
Children can benefit from activities that involve:
Practising stopping and starting.
Taking turns and waiting.
Following instructions that change.
Learning to manage small frustrations with support.
Recognising their own early signs of becoming overwhelmed.
Practising alternative responses when they feel calm and safe.
But the timing matters.
Trying to teach a child inhibitory control when they are already overwhelmed is unlikely to be effective.
We need to help children practise these skills when they are regulated and able to engage.
We also need to adapt the environment, reduce unnecessary demands and recognise when additional support is needed.
The aim is not simply to make a child more compliant.
The aim is to help them develop the skills they need to manage everyday situations with greater confidence and independence.
Understanding the child rather than focusing only on the behaviour
When we understand executive functioning, we begin to look at behaviour differently.
Instead of immediately asking:
"Why did they do that?"
We can begin asking:
"What was happening before the reaction?"
"What was their brain trying to process?"
"Which skills might they have been struggling to access?"
"What support could have helped them manage that situation differently?"
These questions can change the way we support children.
They move us away from simply responding to behaviour and towards understanding the underlying difficulties.
This is especially important when supporting neurodivergent children, whose executive functioning, sensory processing and emotional regulation profiles can vary considerably.
The space between thought and reaction
Returning to the quote at the beginning, the space between something happening and our response can give us an opportunity to pause, process and make a choice.
But that space is not equally accessible to everyone, and it may become even harder to access when someone is overwhelmed.
For some children, that space needs to be supported through the development of executive functioning skills, appropriate adjustments and understanding from the adults around them.
We cannot simply demand that a child responds differently without considering whether they have the skills and capacity to do so.
Before asking why a child behaved in a particular way, perhaps we should ask whether they had the skills and capacity to respond differently in that moment.
Because when we begin to understand the skills behind the behaviour, we can begin to provide the support that makes a meaningful difference.
The Autism & ADHD Advocates CIC
Supporting families, children and professionals to understand neurodivergence, executive functioning, sensory processing and the underlying skills that influence everyday life.
