Why Some Children Struggle Socially: Understanding Autism, ADHD, and Social Thinking
Posted on 1st April 2025 at 07:35
Not every child picks up social cues in the same way. For some, things like reading facial expressions, understanding body language, or figuring out what someone else is thinking or feeling can be confusing, overwhelming, or simply unnoticed.
This is especially true for autistic children and children with ADHD. While their challenges might look similar on the surface, the reasons behind them, and how we support them, can be quite different.
What Is Social Cognition?
Social cognition is how we understand and respond to other people.
It includes things like:
Recognising emotions in faces or voices
Understanding that other people have different thoughts and feelings
Figuring out what’s expected in a social situation
Adjusting our behaviour depending on context
Most children develop these skills naturally over time. But autistic children and those with ADHD often experience delays or differences in how these skills develop.
The Social World Can Be Confusing for Different Reasons
Here’s what we now know:
Autistic children may have trouble noticing or understanding social and emotional cues. They often find it hard to “read the room,” especially when they’re expected to pick up on unspoken rules or subtle changes in tone, facial expression, or body language. They might not naturally understand that someone is joking, upset, or bored, even if it seems obvious to others.
Children with ADHD, on the other hand, usually notice social cues, but struggle to respond to them appropriately in the moment. Their challenges are often linked to impulsivity, emotional outbursts, or difficulty pausing before reacting. They may interrupt, say the wrong thing, or get carried away during play, even though they know the “right” thing to do.
Real-Life Examples
An autistic child might not realise that a classmate is feeling left out, because they haven’t noticed the body language or facial expression.
A child with ADHD might realise someone is upset, but blurt something out without thinking, making things worse.
An autistic child might not understand that sarcasm isn’t meant to be taken literally.
A child with ADHD might interrupt a serious conversation with a joke, not because they’re rude, but because they struggle to hold back.
Why This Happens
These challenges are closely linked to something called executive functioning, which is the brain’s management system. It helps with:
Self-control
Starting tasks
Planning ahead
Remembering what’s important in the moment
Switching attention when needed
In autistic children, difficulties with planning, flexibility, and organising thoughts often affect social situations. In children with ADHD, poor impulse control and emotional regulation get in the way.
How You Can Help
Supporting social development doesn’t mean teaching children to mask or hide who they are. It means helping them understand the social world, and giving them tools to navigate it in a way that suits them.
Here’s what helps:
Be specific: Don’t assume children “just know” how someone feels. Talk openly about facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. Use clear examples.
Use real-life scenarios: Point out social moments in books, TV, or everyday life, and talk about what different people might be thinking or feeling.
Break down situations: Help children understand the steps involved in joining a game, starting a conversation, or responding to someone else’s emotions.
Practise regularly: Social skills take time and repetition. Role play, talk things through, and give space to reflect without pressure.
Be patient with mistakes: If a child interrupts, says the wrong thing, or doesn’t pick up on a social cue, use it as a teaching moment, not a punishment.
Support emotional regulation: Help children recognise their own emotions, and develop calming strategies, especially in overwhelming or fast-moving social settings.
These Challenges Don't Disappear in Adulthood
It’s important to understand that these social difficulties don’t just affect children, they often continue into adolescence and adulthood.
Autistic adults and adults with ADHD may still face challenges with social communication, although they may have developed coping strategies or learned to mask their struggles.
For Autistic Adults:
They may still find it difficult to interpret facial expressions, body language, or tone of voice.
Social situations like small talk, job interviews, dating, or group conversations can be exhausting or confusing.
Many feel pressure to hide their natural ways of communicating, which can lead to stress, burnout, or anxiety.
Misunderstandings are common, and without support, some adults experience loneliness or social isolation.
For Adults with ADHD:
They may interrupt or overshare in conversations, despite knowing social norms.
Emotional responses can still be intense, and handling criticism or conflict may be harder than it looks.
Impulsivity may affect relationships or work settings, even when intentions are good.
They often reflect on social missteps with frustration or shame, not understanding why it keeps happening.
Recognising this helps us understand that support needs to continue, and that adults often benefit from the same compassion and strategies we offer children. It also shows why early understanding and tailored support are so important, not just to help children “fit in,” but to help them build healthy relationships, confidence, and self-acceptance for the long term.
Final Thoughts
Some children struggle with social skills not because they don’t care, but because their brains process social information differently. Autistic children may need help interpreting the world around them. Children with ADHD may need help managing their reactions to it.
When we understand the “why” behind a child’s social struggles, we move from blame and frustration to support and solutions. Every child, and every adult, wants to connect. They just need a bridge that works for their way of thinking.
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