Why Do Some People Freeze When They’re Looked At?

Have you ever seen someone freeze when they’re being looked at? Maybe they suddenly stop moving, go completely quiet, or avoid eye contact altogether. It might seem like they’re being shy or unresponsive, but what’s really happening goes much deeper. 

 

For people who are autistic, have ADHD, experience selective mutism, or have a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, being looked at can feel overwhelming or even threatening. Freezing in that moment is often not a choice, but a natural response to anxiety and pressure. 

 

When someone tries to make eye contact or initiates interaction, the brain might register this as a social demand. There’s often an unspoken expectation to speak, smile, or respond in a certain way. For a neurodivergent person, this can trigger instant overwhelm. 

 

Inside, their thoughts might sound like, 

“I think they expect me to say something,” 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” 

“I feel trapped,” 

“I can’t speak right now.” 

 

This activates the body’s stress response. While some people fight or flee, others freeze. For many neurodivergent individuals, freezing is the most common and automatic reaction. 

 

 

Many autistic people experience eye contact as intense or even painful. The pressure to perform socially, especially when not fully understanding what’s expected, can be emotionally and physically draining. The freeze may be a way to protect themselves from that overload. 

 

ADHD often comes with emotional sensitivity and trouble regulating responses. Someone with ADHD might already feel on edge or overstimulated, so being looked at can add a sudden layer of pressure that pushes them into shutdown. 

 

For someone who is selectively mute, being looked at while expected to speak can be paralysing. It isn’t that they won’t talk, it’s that they can’t. Anxiety literally blocks the brain’s ability to form and deliver speech in that moment. 

 

A PDA profile brings a unique response to everyday expectations. Even subtle social interactions, like being looked at, can be perceived as a demand or loss of control. The freeze response is a way of resisting that perceived pressure without conflict. 

 

It’s not rude, it’s not dramatic, and it’s not something someone can just “snap out of.” Freezing is the body’s way of keeping them safe when it senses too much pressure or demand. On the outside, it might look like they’re calm or not engaging, but on the inside, their nervous system may be in full alert, flooded with anxiety or fear. 

 

 

When someone freezes because they’re being looked at, they’re not being difficult. They’re doing their best to manage something that feels intense, confusing, or unsafe. This response deserves compassion, not correction. 

 

The more we understand these reactions, the more we can create spaces where neurodivergent people feel safe and accepted. Because true inclusion isn’t about forcing someone to respond in a certain way, it’s about recognising that all responses are valid, and all people deserve to feel comfortable being themselves.