The Power of the Right Partner: How ADHD Strengths and Weaknesses Balance Each Other

For many neurodivergent people, certain everyday tasks can feel impossible to stay on top of. Take gardening, for exampl, once it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind. The grass keeps growing, but unless it’s actively being looked at, it doesn’t seem important enough to act on. And even when it is noticed, motivation rarely kicks in to actually get it done. 

 

Then there are other tasks that require stopping and taking action, like filling up the car with petrol. For some, it’s an easy routine. For others, it’s something that keeps getting put off until the tank is empty, leading to a last-minute scramble to fix the problem. The same goes for things like cleaning the car, if it’s not essential, it often gets left undone. 

 

In many neurodivergent relationships, one partner’s strengths naturally balance out the other’s challenges. Someone who struggles with motivation for certain tasks, like keeping up with the garden or remembering to fill the car with petrol, might find themselves with a partner who thrives on movement and staying busy. Without even thinking about it, they take care of those tasks, not because they’re more organised, but because they naturally gravitate toward activities that keep them engaged. 

 

Meanwhile, the other partner might take on responsibilities that require structure and planning, such as cooking meals or managing the household. Over time, a rhythm develops where each person leans into their strengths, filling in the gaps where the other might struggle. This kind of balance isn’t about one person being more capable, it’s about how two people, together, create a system that works. 

 

Interestingly, when both partners are neurodivergent, it’s easy to assume that one of them is just “better at life” or more organised. But often, their ADHD or autism is just well-supported. They’ve found a structure that works for them, whether through routines, habits, or a partner who instinctively picks up the things they struggle with. 

 

This is why so many neurodivergent people don’t realise how much support they actually have in their daily live, until something changes. If the routine shifts, or they suddenly have to take on tasks their partner usually handles, that’s when they notice just how much of their executive functioning was being managed indirectly. 

 

The key takeaway isn’t about relying on a partner to fix what we struggle with, it’s about recognising that a balanced life often comes from working together. The right partner doesn’t just complement your strengths, they make the challenges of executive dysfunction easier to manage. And if both partners are neurodivergent, it doesn’t mean chaos, it means a chance to create a system that plays to both of your strengths. 

 

It’s not about being ‘better at life’, it’s about having the right support to get through the week with as few obstacles as possible. And when that happens, ADHD and autism don’t feel like barriers, they just become part of who you are, in a life that works for you.